vintage

I’d like to get some things off my chest here.

The nominees for the 2009 Juno Awards were announced the other day, and with every year, CARAS adds another nail to its own coffin. It’s hard to see why the Junos are still such a big deal in Canada — their relevance seems to slip away more and more every year, and we are left honouring artists who write lyrics like this:

Dirty little lady with the pretty pink thong
Every sugar daddy hitting on her all night long
Doesn’t care about the money, she could be with anybody
Ain’t it funny how the honey wanted you all along!

[...] You’re so much cooler when you never pull it out
‘Cause you look so much cuter with something in your mouth

That’s right. Nickelback, the ones responsible for that atrocity, led the nominations parade with five (single, album, artist and producer of the year, as well as the fan choice award). Somehow, CARAS seem to think that this motley crew is the best thing this country has to offer musically. If this is the case, I’d like to change my citizenship.

I’ll come back to that, but first, there’s another problem we need to pay attention to: the “International Album of the Year” category, this year a contest between AC/DC, Coldplay, Guns ‘N Roses, Jack Johnson, and Metallica. First of all: none of these people give a rat’s behind whether they’re nominated for a Juno Award (an award ostensibly for Canadian content, I might add). Second, why do we even need this category? Obviously, Chris Martin or Axl Rose are not going to show up to the ceremony, so it isn’t even a ploy to boost ratings. This category has been a head-scratcher for me ever since I started watching the Junos and I still haven’t been able to justify it.

If the Juno Awards really do need a category like this, they need to make it relevant to Canada. Albums that sell more than any Canadian record are not a good enough connection. We’ve got categories for best producer and recording engineer, many of whom work on albums by non-Canadian artists; this is the kind of thing that should be getting more attention, not a gratuitous presentation to an artist who will probably forget they got the award at all.

I could get into a lot more (why is there only one Francophone category? How in the hell does a throat singer get nominated for instrumental album of the year?), but I’d like to go back to the Nickelback problem for a moment.

Here it is, plain and simple: Nickelback shouldn’t be on this pedestal. Most of Canada has no idea what’s going on in most of music, and assume that when you turn on the top 40 station, that’s all there is. The only two categories that really honour Canada’s incredible artistic scene are also terribly named, almost cursory ones: Alternative and Adult Alternative albums of the year.

What is “adult alternative”? When I hear that, I think Muzak. According to the Juno nominees sheet, though, it means Hawksley Workman, Serena Ryder, Kathleen Edwards, Ron Sexsmith and Sarah Slean — all incredibly talented musicians, and ones who would probably belong in a category titled “Songwriter of the Year”. Alternative, by contrast, contains Black Mountain, Chad VanGaalen, Fucked Up, Plants and Animals, and The Stills.

I’m sure most of you are thinking the same thing: why are Nickelback, Simple Plan, Hedley, and Celine Dion all over the nominations list, and why are our most talented artists getting the boot?

The answer is, of course, record sales. Nickelback sell more albums than any of these artists, and I suppose they deserve to be rewarded for that. That really doesn’t mean they also wrote the best single that came out this year, nor that they’re the best artist Canada saw in 2008; it does mean, though, that the Juno Awards are clearly not focused enough on artistic merit. Nickelback have a lot of fans, but I find it difficult to believe that Dark Horse would hold up with every judge on the Juno Award panel when put against last year’s records by Sam Roberts, Hawksley, Sloan, Chad VanGaalen … you get my drift.

Many of the artists nominated do deserve it, and I’m glad that they’re getting the recognition. However, I think that the Juno Awards need to take a leaf from the Polaris Music Prize’s book and reward actual artistic merit, not just record sales. The best things coming out of Canada aren’t the ones you’re going to hear on Top 40 radio or the ones necessarily selling the best — because no one is bold enough to play them. Once this country realises how narrow the field they’re working with is, maybe these awards will be relevant again. Until then, we’re stuck with Chad Kroeger: an embarrassment to this country.

Juno Awards home
Complete list of nominees (PDF)
Sloan vs. Nickelback — The Battle of the Bands!